


Mixing the Chemicals

by BlossomofFireandRain



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Panic Attacks, Using pre-scratch names for the ancestors, everyone is alive and everyone is pissed, mentions of non-consential aphrodisiacs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlossomofFireandRain/pseuds/BlossomofFireandRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything's over and everyone's alive. Alive does not always mean happy, nor well-adjusted, and the Psiioniic is going to have to get used to a world that functions by different rules than he's used to.  Fortunately, he's got some friends nearby to help out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When You Awake

**Author's Note:**

> It's important to point out that the Psiioniic will refer to the other ancestors by their pre-scratch names, because that's how he knows them. If he's talking about an actually pre-scratch troll, he'll be clear about it, cause they'll be strangers to him.

You open your eyes, and you're not anywhere where you should be. The outline of the block you're in is too small, there's too much light coming through the windows, your arms are thrown across the surface you're on, and not above your head. Your sensors read a million wrong cues as you try to process, and you blindly reach for the ship's interface before you realize it's not there. 

You're screaming on the floor before you can even think. You race through your mind, your nerves, searching for the exits, the interfaces where you once walked through, and find only clean healthy nerves, that only dwindle down. A chant's already started in the back of your mind, "She'sgonnapunishme _She'sgonnapunishme_ SHE'SGONNAPUNISHME!" and you're trying to fix it before she comes back, before techs start doing things that make you scream and choke. If you can just fix it before they come...... Your hands flex and twitch as you claw at the block's flooring, soft and dry where it's should be hard and wet, and dimly you hear someone pounding against something and yelling, a voice that sounds vaguely familiar, but doesn't at the same time, and you panic more, cause now they're here, now they'll find out-! Hell, they probably already know, the ship's probably not moving, and _they know._ The mumble of voices moves closer, and you're trying to flee into the system, to not be stuck in the hardware while they reconnect it, and they sound like they're arguing, and oh gog, that's never good for you. You feel a rough hand gingerly settle on your back, but then firm against it, and start rubbing, and why aren't they hanging you up yet!? The hands move slowly and carefully, rubbing down your spine and back up, repeatedly in an easy rhythm, and you find yourself pulling out enough to hear someone talking to you softly, voice rough with it, like they don't really know how to be quiet, and it's calming. It's ridiculously calming. You hear them say something about how everything's okay, it's okay, you're safe, you're here, and everything safe, fuck! And you start to feel angry and betrayed, cause why calm you down to hang you up? You're just hardware, hardware doesn't get papped into calmness and told everything's okay. It's with this in mind that you pull yourself out of your crouch, ready to scream at whoever it is (cause it's not like your punishment can really get worse) but you freeze when you finally see who it is. The resemblance throws you, and for a moment you're tongue-tied and frozen, before your brain begins to register the differences, the hair, the stature, the youth, the attitude, it all glitches and fizzes before clicking, and you have to stare at someone who is a close second in appearance to one you know is dead.

 

His name is Karkat. He's the descendant of Kankri, whom your descendant returned trailing, and you've learned that apparently, they've restarted the universe, a universe that includes trolls and another species called humans. You've also learned that you have pre-scratch forms roaming around, and it remains extremely disturbing to ask after Kankri, and have them point you to a smaller version of him that won't shut up. (You mean Kankri was always talkative, but holy glub! Not like this!) Smaller you just looked up at you and chortled, and really, you have to agree, this is crazy. He's all wound up in the legislacerator's smaller version, and you watch as they attempt tricks that make you flinch when you expect them to crash to the ground. They roam around in similar body suits, and you have to agree they look good, and happy. Apparently he'd been involved in some Doom related accident and been permanently injured, and the Game had returned him to his previous state. 

All of you, the ones you know, and the ones you didn't, are slowly figuring out what's going on. There's been several attempts to sit down and explain it in some fashion that made sense, but it's all ended badly, usually with someone screaming for someone else's death. (Last time it'd been Damara and the pre-scratch version of the Executioner. It had been very strange to watch the teen version of him flee the room as a angry maroon-blood had chased him with a concupiscent aid. You're still trying to decide if having someone around that you didn't know as an adult is worth her presence.) It's almost like everyone who was involved is so relieved to have spare time, that they don't know how to manage it now that they're not in a time crunch. But you can't really say anything, considering you spent the entire first day clinging to Kankri as he monotoned calmly against your horns and didn't even complain once about you putting your horns in his face.

But you are starting to string it together. You'd actually say your descendants are a lot easier to deal with that your pre-scratch selves. You still cringe every time Smaller Kankri (That is his name, you don't care what anyone says, you're not getting confused by their matching names) walks by. Sollux, however, has been oddly okay to talk to, and even after your incarnation as a ship you can still talk beenary with someone. It's been relaxing to lapse back into a world of hives and buzzing, a place you hadn't been since you'd first been picked up as a psionic slave.

It still feels weird though. You all apparently have a hive to yourself, but that hasn't stopped Kankri from vibrating between yours, Meulin's, and Porrim's hives, uncomfortable in the silence of his own. All four of you seem to feel the need to reassure yourselves that the others are there, and more than once you've woken up with Kankri pressed against your back, and Meulin pressed against his. You've stopped trying to figure out how she's getting into your hive. For them, the events that lead up to your interment in the Condesce's ship ended quickly. For you.... Well, you're just glad that after a certain point, you stop remembering things clearly, and your memory just sort of fuzzes and blurs after that, your death just a larger blip of pain in a scale of hurts.

Even weirder is how your bodies were returned to you. Kankri still rubs his wrists compulsively at times, and you have more than once woken yourself up screaming when you searched for connections that aren't there, but your bodies no longer hold the scars of those times. You all look and feel like 9-10 sweep-ers, and that is the oddest thing, seeing Porrim looking that young. You are not going to get used to that anytime soon. She takes a malicious joy in it, and has started messing with her style to exacerbate the reaction.

But your daily life is starting to settle down. Every so often Sollux comes over, ready to argue which breed of bees is better. Meulin sometimes trails smaller her and her descendant behind her, and you've find them pleasant, if loud when they get excited. Kankri and smaller Kankri get into arguments on a regular basis, and it's amusing to watch someone talk over him, once resulting in him pushing smaller Kankri in the small artificial sea at the complex. But for all you see descendants and pre-scratch selves wondering around, you're beginning to notice a lack of one certain troll, the first troll you saw after being a ship, and you're starting to wonder why.

At first you thought it might be because of Kankri. He wouldn't be the first descendant avoiding their ancestor, the Executioner (oh, yeah, the Expatriate now....) and Equius are still playing a game of circling warily, struggling with their bl00bloodedness. But when you asked Kankri, he said that surprisingly, him and Karkat were getting along rather well, joined in their endeavor to soak the words right out of smaller Kankri. And you know for a fact that Sollux and Karkat hang out, having heard the explosions far too often from the hive above yours. So it's just you....

This rankles, a odd itching, that he would argue with Sollux about getting near you when you were breaking down (A fact you only found out when Sollux mentioned it), but not be willing to see you now..... It only takes a bit of scouting and overhearing to find out where he is currently, and though you may regret this, you're going to find out why he's avoiding you


	2. New Face, Old Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psi hunts down Karkat and tries to get answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while. Had a minor meltdown about "It has to be perfect!" and flailed miserably at it for a couple days.

He’s draped over some railing, watching people in the common area interact when you sneak up behind him. You’ve spent the last week trying to talk to him and seeing him find reasons not to, and getting unrelentingly pissed about it. He doesn’t have a reason, you think, not like Rufioh and Aranea. (You're getting so tired of watching her climb the building, and whine at you to take her up, but then refuse to see Rufioh, and hide her hive when he tried. So tired.) Everyone you’d talked to had said no, they didn’t know a reason, and why? Yeah, you were embarrassed that he’d seen you like that, but at the same time you were grateful. How long would it have been before you’d have realized your neural inhibitors were no longer in existence, and tried to blast out of there, and hurt yourself and others, if he hadn’t shown up and been a temporary measure until Kankri got there? So why? Was he pissed at you?

“Hey.” You say, as you settle down beside him, determined to be as casual about this as possible. He jumps, and turns half-reddened eyes on you, clearly not having heard you approach, before dropping them back down to his hands. You mentally congratulate yourself.

Looking at him, you can see the lines of Kankri in him, but there’s something about him that remains a shape of his own. Kankri was unusually tall for a low-blood, tall enough you could slouch into his lap and only have your horns in his face, but he was all corded lean muscle. But Karkat…. Karkat you think will be a little different once he grows into himself completely…. Wider and deeper chested than Kankri, a little more cushioned, for whatever genetic reason. (That’s one thing you dislike, you lost all your secondary growth from being de-aged, and now you have to go through it again.) Supposedly you’re all created from genetic slime, sharing common dna, and you can see it when you look at yourselves next to your smaller versions. You’d walked over to Porrim’s to find her having tea with her little self, and having two sets of eyes that sharp looking over at you was more than a little unnerving. It didn’t help that Porrim was growing out her hair, increasing the resemblance.

Karkat looks all stiff, and if it weren’t for your irritation at him, you would find it amusing, make a game of it, see if you could get him to move where ever you wanted just by shifting your body, but you are irritated, and so it just feeds into it. 

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“What the fuck!? No, I’m not fucking avoiding you, why the fuck would I do something that unrelievedly contorted and silly? I’m not the kind of idiot who goes out of his way to avoid people for no shitstained reason! Why would you think that!?”

He rambles on, but you’ve already clued into, Yes, yes, he is very much avoiding you, as he shifts in his spot and looks like he’s gonna try to get up.

“Was it because I was acting like a wiggler and about to blow my head off, along with the rest of the building? Are you scared of me?” And this idea worries you but pisses you off. Say it. Say you’re scared of me, brat.

“What? What the fuck? Why the fuck would I be scared of you? Have you seen Sollux? Troll’s a disaster waiting to happen, yesterday he threw me into a wall. Why the fuck would _you_ scare me?”

“Well, I-“

“And that!” He growls low in his throat, and you tense up. “Who says having a panic attack makes you a wiggler!? Fucking idiots! Panic attacks are perfectly fucking normal, I tell you! Just because a troll does or does not fucking have them, doesn’t make them a wiggler! No matter what some grubsucking bulge-panned dipshit says!”

He’s flushed and vibrate about this, looking like he wants to take on anyone that says otherwise, eyes all defiant, and it’s a far better change from him looking at his hands.

“Panic…attack? Who told you that?”

He deflates immediately, back to looking at his hands, like they’ve got some magical source code for talking, and he begins to mumble.

“Dave told me…. They’re just…. Sometimes they just happen, and he said they’re nothing to ashamed off…” and he trails off, only to look at you defiantly before looking back down. You get the feeling this is no longer about avoiding you, or panic attacks, if you’re using that phrase correctly.

“Dave’s one of the humans, right?

He makes a quiet sound of assent, and you pause for a second as things click in your head. He recognized what was happening to you, recognized it enough to put a name to it that one of the humans gave him…. You feel a little upstart of platonic sympathy. The only way he would recognize it like that, is if he’d had one before himself. They hadn’t stopped for you, you still got thrown back there, sometimes by trying to find your neural interface, and sometimes just by waking up wrong, but none of them had been allowed to get as bad as the first one here. Kankri had been close by for the rest, and his calming touch had helped ease the screaming terror that roared through you when they happened. You think of your moirail, and wonder about Karkat.

“Do you have a moirail?”

His face clenches up for a moment, and you think you’ve stepped in a landmine, before it eases into something more like confusion and unsurety. “Well, I- Kinda? I mean he chills with me, and we do all the stuff moirails do, but he’s human, so he says we’re not, but when I asked him if he was flushed for me, because humans _only have one_ quadrant-” his voice takes on a astonished, irritated tone, before easing back down. “- and he grimaced and said no, he didn’t want to kiss me, but then he stopped, and said maybe grandma kisses, and his face got really fucking weird, even with those fucking sunglasses, and I asked what the bulge-kicking fuck are ‘grandma kisses’ and- And why the hell am I telling you this? Agh.” Half of this is mumbled through the hand he just shoved in his face, and you’re trying not to laugh, because whoo, complicated romances! You think again of Kankri, and how you met, and hope this human will realize what he has.

Kankri had initially nearly lectured you to death. Literally. He’d talked so long the sun had been about to come up, but what’d he’d said had changed you. “Even slaves are allowed quadrants,” he said, “but what quadrants do they push for you? The ones that help you? Or the ones that benefit them? They have no use for a slave’s moirail, if a slave goes too crazy, just cull it, but concupiscent quadrants that give them more buckets of future psionics?” Before that you’d viewed drone season as a time to rest for a bit, be close to someone, eat better. It was panicky, but among the rest of you, forming a bond concupiscent enough hadn’t been hard, and the empire had called it a “reward” for service. When he’d said it though, you’d felt chilled as things had clicked into place, and been sick, remembering all the buckets you’d submitted, and all the wigglers that might come out of them, only to end up where you were. A stray thought of how your concupiscent drive seemed to be so much stronger then too, and you sickly recalled all the special food they'd given you at those times. You’d managed to sneak back into the compound, but for some reason Kankri had returned, again and again, even when Porrim was clearly bothered by it, the times she came with him. Eloping had never been a plan of yours, but when he’d begged you to leave, you had. Even now you feel it was worth it, even after everything.

Karkat’s still smooshing a hand into his face, and you have to smile at that. “Maybe he’ll come around. You said humans only have one quadrant?…. How does that even work?” And you’re so bemused by it, because everything you’ve seen of them has made you completely unsure of who’s quadranted with whom. More than once you’ve looked over the balcony edges to see someone curled up next to each other under the trees, or that one human with the woofbeast ears hugging another like she (You assume they’re a she, you’re not completely sure about the humans) hasn’t seen them in ages, when you know for a fact she’d seen them the previous day.

“They only do the red one…. Like seriously, who the fuck decided that was the only quadrant they needed? I don’t care if everyone assumes it was me, I follow all the quadrants.”

“Wait, the red one?” And now you’re so vary confused. “But everywhere I look they’re snuggling like newly pales….”

“That’s because they’re fucking quadrant smearers!” And he looks so triumphant to have someone to rant to, you’re really unable not to smile. “What? They are! Complete bulge biting quadrant smearers! They say they’ve only got the red one, but they always act pale, and then Dave and his “Bro” act like they’re fucking black, but noooo! They rap it out, and what the hell am I supposed to think!?” And by now he’s straightened up completely, hands moving as he talks, eyes wide and intense, and you can see the passion he has for his topics, just like Kankri.

“That still doesn’t answer my question. Why. Are. You. Avoiding me?” He deflates all at once, and now he’s back to scrunching down and looking at his hands, and fiddling with his fingers, and really, you feel kind of bad now.

“Look…. Just… Don’t take this the wrong way, but you were screaming, and your horns were starting to blur, and you were crying, and I don’t even think you realized you were, and what was I supposed to do? But, of course, I trampled all over someone else’s moirail duties, and really, past me is a complete idiot, and I was just trying not to bug you, since I decided I had to lay my grubby fronds all over you, and-“

“Oh my gog, I get it!” And you blink a bit, cause good gog, he can talk! Him and Kankri really are a matched pair in that… “Are you-.. Are you trying to say you’re embarrassed, and that’s why you were avoiding me? Is that it?” And oh, there he goes, clenching up his face, and turning that washed-out shade of pink. “Well, I’m sorry I have the common decency to be embarrassed when I wipe my slutty pale hands all over someone! Fuck!” And whoops, your last attempt to not laugh has finally failed, and he’s looking at you like he wants to take your organs out, and claw at his own look bulbs, and really, he’s so like Kankri, but so not. “Hey, it’s okay, stop blowing your shit.” And you’re grinning, and even though you’ve smiled, laughed, and been happy, this is the first time since you woke up in your apartment hive that you’ve really grinned, and he just looks at you like he doesn’t know what to make of it. “It really is chill. Kankri’s just happy I didn’t blow my brains out, so, I guess, thank you.” And now you feel embarrassed, because wow, way to sound too happy about it. “Yeah… Well… Okay, I guess… ” he says, and he seems like he can’t figure out what to say next, and so you save him from it.

“Want to go and play some game grubs? Sollux brought me some new ones.”

You are Mituna Captor, and Karkat is a whole bundle of “other” that you think you could learn to like.

As long as you can beat him at Super Smash Trolls.


	3. Unmentioned Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And really, at this point you just think Meulin's rubbing off on Kankir.  
> That must be what it is.  
> Right?

Having Karkat around changes things. Before, the lines between who you hung out with were very clear. The people you rebelled with, and Sollux. (Small you is an awkward subject. He's just...so different....) But by hanging around Karkat, all of the sudden you're involved with people. Going to the random meetings and gatherings isn't as awkward, because instead of it being you (The ancestors) and them (the descendants), it's more of a even mix. And frankly, it's nice to have someone around who isn't related to you in a odd way. He's not Kankri, nor is he Sollux, and being able to just communicate, and not have a painful shared past (Though it is far more fuzzy and blurred than it really should be), or a shared fate, is refreshing.

The memory thing is something you've all seem to have gotten a bit of. Kankri said he remembers his last moments like a story from a book, something that wasn't his, but was, as he whispered in dry tones in the dark of pre-morning. Porrim had asked how much you'd remembered as a unimportant sounding side note, but you'd seen how she'd tensed when you'd answered not much. Meulin hadn't mentioned it, but Meulin was known for ignoring the negative for the positive. (And running from things she didn't want to talk about.) You aren't inclined to go ask any of the highbloods about their memories, and you aren't sure if you even want to know either way.

Karkat isn't related to any of that. He's fresh, a different person from a different time, who filled very different roles than you and the rest. He never had being chained into a helmsblock as a potential future. He's not part of you, nor part of what you were. It's nice. The more you're around him, the more you get to see what he's like, how he reacts, what causes amusing reactions, and you enjoy it, maybe even spend a little too much time, because it's a relief in a way you didn't know you needed. You invite Sollux over with him, and it pulls you both into the present. With you, Sollux acted like a fully moulted adult. For a while you had worried he was only doing this out of some sense of responsibility or likeship with you, keep the crazy helmsbait from going any crazier, but after a while you had started to think maybe he just didn't know how to act around you? But bringing over Karkat solves some of that. They had both started out _clearly_ on their best behavior, but after the first round of so of video grubs, Karkat had exploded on Sollux in an impressive display of verbosity and profanity.

"OH MY GRUB-FUCKING EYESTALKS, DO YOU JUST EXIST TO TORMENT ME WHENEVER I THINK I HAVE ONE CHANCE OF FINALLY FUCKING BEATING YOU, YOU EGOTISTICAL DINGBAT!?"

It had truly been a glorious moment, Karkat red and growling, Sollux laughing (Giggling, really) as he floated above and out of Karkat's reach, and you pulled back into the corner of the seating block, laughing your pan out as you watched Karkat flail at him.

It was all nice. When they'd finally left, they were acting more like you were the age your body was, and less like you would break if they got too active. So you hung out with him more. You hung out with him when he hosted a movie night and he tried to dump a entire bowl of grubcorn over one of the human's heads. When one of his friends decided it was time to teach him how to swim, and you'd dangled your feet in the water, while he'd refused help over and over again, bubbling and glubbing, to actually finally get it in time by himself. And when he was being dragged along with the rest of them to eat outside on a snuggleplane. (You hadn't really seen the point of going outside when there was a table right in your eating block, and there was multitudes of flying pests that seemed to think you were just the most delightful taste, but it'd still been fun to watch him sulk under a tree like he didn't actually _want_ to be involved.)

It was odd, hanging with the descendents, but there was far less of the awkwardness between them than there was between your age groups.

You'd been at your hive when Kankri had rushed in, face dark and teeth bared, and had really only been able to follow as he'd pulled you into a make-shift pile and proceeded to groom your hair like you had scalp parasites again, (You do not let Meulin make you a hat. You DO NOT let Meulin make you a hat.) all the while ranting about how he understood that they'd all been manipulated by a figure outside their time, and Alternia had just been a reiteration of Beforus, but did she not realize how triggering it was for her to be walking around like she'd never performed acts of great violence and pain, and how he was trying to be patient and understanding, but DIDN'T SHE GET IT!? It was at that point you'd managed to pull your hair out of his clenched fists, and pull him down into your lap.

Kankri doesn't break like you. He rants, he lectures, he verbalizes until you literally wonder how he's still standing, but Kankri doesn't normally show big emotions. He'd cried as you'd held him, eventually placing your hands on his wrists, leaving little red teardrops all over both of your hands. It hurt, honestly, that he needed the reassurance of your hands to tell him his skin was still there, nerves still functioning. You may have cried some yourself, with his horns pressing into your thorax, and your hands hidden under his head. Eventually he calmed down, but he didn't leave your hive that night. When he'd finally moved back to fussing over you while cooking, you'd felt extremely relieved. Forget anything you said about normal being weird, Kankri's normal is far better than no normal at all.

So if you want to maybe go and hide out with the descendents, who's really going to tell you no? Kankri? Who watches them from the side himself? Meulin? Who hosts regular shipping meetings with the other two Leijons? (The dissension and hissing you can hear from her hive every Wednesday has led you to avoid it during those times.) Porrim? Who's now a part of the same people rights group with little her? And frankly, you don't really care what any other person from your group has to say about it. And you certainly don't care what the arrogant prick with wings thinks about the intermixed humans in there.

It's with more plans with Karkat in mind that Kankri stops you short with a pointed question.

"You're certainly spending a lot of time with him." he says from his spot on the seating block, eyes still pinned on the book in his hands.

"Yes? It's nice? What are you trying to ask?" And really, you're just a little confused. Kankri's not looking at you, but just the way he asked that makes you wonder what's going on here.

"Well, it would stand to reason that you may be a little interested in the first one here to see you, I'm just wondering what direction this interest lies in." And he finally looks up from his book to arch a eyebrow at you, and nope. Nope, we aren't doing this, Kankri, go back to your book. You turn away to reach for your shoes, anything not to deal with this. "Kankri, I wasn't aware you were jealous, do you want to spend more time together tomorrow?"

He smiles a slow smirk, and you feel like you're missing something. "Oh, that's fine, we can do that. I was just wondering if your interest in him might lie a bit in the, uh.... Red...direction."

You gape. Out of all the things you had expected, this was not it. "Oh my fuck, Kankri, he's 9! I'm like ancient to him!"

"Not so much as you seem to think." And now's he's lost his smirk, looking at you seriously. "It's become very clear to me that the game has attempted to give us back what we lost, while not taking away parts of ourselves. That's why the dimmed memories. And also why you're really only a sweep or so older than him." And while he's not smiling, you get the distinct feeling he thinks he knows something you don't.

"Okay, that may be so, but I'm not into _anyone_ like that right now. I mean have you seen how complicated everything is already just with Wing-Douche and Argh!-Eight-Eyes? And it really is just nice to hang out with him. Besides, it'd be weird dating your descendant." And you're really trying here, because Kankri thinking you're flushed for him is far worse than Kankri being jealous of him. Jealous you can deal with.

"It's fine then, forget I said anything." And he looks back to his book. Did you miss something? Cause you know you're not interested in Karkat, cause how weird would that be? But Kankri's still got that aura of not-smiling smirkiness going on, and you can't help but pick through everything you've done with Karkat. Did you act too happy to see him? Maybe get a little too close? You wonder this even as you walk out the door.

\------------

It's a large group again. Everyone's actually leaving the hivestem, a action that's been kept to a minimum while getting everyone comfortable in this new and different world, but one of the humans had brought up something called "bowling" and soon after many of the other humans had demanded that everyone go. You're a little worried over some of their tight grins and and snorts. The only thing they'd said is to bring lower extremity shield liners, but that really can't be all you'll need....

\----------

You facepalm as the seatroll bounces the sphere into the gutter....Yet again... Why did you agree? The humans have been trying to help out, but this is definitely something different than expected. Terezi had asked if this was some kind of weaponry training, with all the throwing and the weighted spheres, and honestly, you had kind of wondered too.

The game looks fun, but the longer you're there, the heavier and more crowded it seems to get. You're crowded into a seat next to one of the lanes you're taking up, but it doesn't make things better. You try to occupy yourself watching the others bowl. You'd managed to avoid having to try during one of the first rounds, and it is amusing to watch people attempt.... You focus on breathing. Oh look, the heiress's turn is next. You focus on how she's being coached by Woofbeast Ears. (Jade, her name is Jade. You have to remember.) Can you hear anyone? When did you lose track of the conversation? Your eyes become more blurred without you realizing, and there's a faint roaring growing in your ears, pulling you in....

"Hey. You okay?"

You jerk your eyes away from the heiress as she comes back, suddenly not 10 feet tall and leering, to stare right into Karkat's face. "I- What? Yeah, I'm fine.." And really, you are! You think... Ignoring the nausea that seems to have come from nowhere.

He looks at you closely, and then huffs and stands up.

"Hey, me and Captor here are going to go back."

You blink as several people ask why and Karkat starts growling at them that maybe they're okay throwing a sphere ("Ball, Karkat, ball!") at mammal bulges ("Hey, don't knock them till you try them, man. Ride so wild it'll make your lusus smile."), but he has better things to do. ("And fuck you, Dave, for that horrible mental image! If I need pan acid, it'll be because of you, bulgesucker!") He gestures for you to follow, as you both barely remember to switch out the borrowed lowered extremity shields for your own. (You actually kind of liked them, all blue and red....)

You feel awkward again, walking back, but it feels so good to be out of there, and the air doesn't feel like it's pressing on you anymore. You look at your feet as you walk.

"I wanted to leave too, so this is okay. He's quiet while he walks, and it eases a part of you that was worried, even though you still feel embarrassed. The silence feels a little strange, but it's not bad. It gets quieter the closer you get to the hivestem, and the sound of your feet makes a unconscious easy rhythm.

"Thanks.... It was kind of an odd game..."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't bad, but it was too crowed. John is the bulgemunch that suggested it, and how the fuck does he think we're all ready for that? Maybe the fucking park, but not that. I think the rest will be leaving soon also, you were just the first to get sick of it." He's rolling his eyes even as he looks around, and you feel a mixture of embarrassment and warmth that he noticed and wanted to help. He's nice, you think. Under all that noise he's got the weirdest layer of caring you've ever seen. It's not a bad thing. He turns, and the streetlamp highlights his profile, and you trace the edges of light with your eyes, enjoying how he looks. He huffs a bit as he kicks stuff on the path, and you have to laugh and ask what it did to him, insult his lusus?

"Why yes, it was a deliberate insult meant to inflame, that trash was trying for kismesitude with me it was so fucking inflaming- Are you laughing at me? You're laughing!" And the banter is nice.

It's not until you're admiring his glutes as he continues down the hivestem hall that you realize what you're doing.

Oh fuck.


	4. When You Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mituna makes a bargain.

Getting woken up by strange noises is beginning to become a bad habit to you. You just barely claw your way out of sleep, tired after a night of gaming with Sollux, but the pounding feet coming down the halls hasn't stopped being a thing. When you do manage to drag yourself to the door to see what's going on, a green blur dashes under your arm, and you're suddenly faced with blue. Okay.... Okay, you think.... Yes, that is a immense chest right at your nose. You look up into Horuss's face, watching him rock back on his heels from his quick stop.

"Sooo.... What's up?" And while you may not have Aranea levels of whininess, you're fairly sure that was a Meulin that ducked under your arm, and you're really not awake enough for this.

"Ah, well..." He sweats a bit at you, trying to look past you without being obvious that he's looking past you. (Geez, did this guy not get the de-age, or was he always this massive?) "Please, could you ask her to come out? I need..I need to talk to her, if you would behoove yourself to do so, Psionic." And he uses your ability like a title, and really, you get that apparently you all got lovely titles out of that little revolution thing, like a bad souvenir, but all it reminds you of is the detailed print on your grubhood id, "Abilities: psionic" and knowing what that probably meant for you later. (You didn't actually use it long, you were picked up not long after.) You hear a metallic sound behind you, and give up on finding out how she's getting in and out, at least for the time being.

"Look, I don't think she wants to talk to you, can I take a message?" And you grin a little crazily at him, hoping he'll get the message, because your head hurts, you're still fucking tired, and you don't have any patience for highbloods right now. "Besides, I'm fairly sure she's not even in here anymore."

"Oh. Uh. Yes- no, I'll- I'll tell her myself." And he gives you such a awkward distinctly unnatural smile, even while his shoulders slump, and really, you don't want to be in the middle of this. He stands there for a moment, looking slightly lost, before turning to walk back down the hall. You close the door and decide it is more than time to crawl back into the resting platform.

After everything, apparently not only do you not need sopor anymore (Something about a new planet playing into that), but it's not even a substance that exists here. You're sure that someone will reproduce it at some point, but for now, the cushioned platform that looks so similar to a concupiscent platform (but that the humans call a bed) is your resting place. You've just barely started to move towards your block, intent on curling back under the snuggle plane, when you hear "Is he gone yet?" chirped right in your ear.

"What the fuck, Meulin! Didn't anyone ever teach you not to sneak up on people!?" And oh my gog, your headache is gonna pound its way out of your cranial plates! You glare at her through half-closed eyes, even as your hand reaches up to scrub at your forehead. "Why don't you just talk to him if you're both gonna do this!?" "She blinks at you for a moment, all surprised mewbeast, before responding. "You've got one of your headaches coming on, want me to get Kankri?" And that's it, your last fuck for the day has flown the cluckbeast pen.

"Yes, fine, get Kankri, and while you're at it, go hunt down the thweaty blue wonder, and actually deal with him." And yep, you're lisping, it's time to give up on today, and hide out where the sun doesn't shine. She's got enough grace to look a bit ashamed, but it fades as fast as it showed up, and she's chirping a "Will do!" before disappearing out the door. You stare after her sourly a bit, before going to curl up in your bed before Kankri gets there.

To your surprise and delight, you do actually manage to fall back asleep, and when you wake up again, it's with Kankri plastered against your back, rubbing little circles across your head.

"Are you feeling better, Mituna?"

"Oh fuck.. Yes..." And you push your head further into his hands.

It's one of those weird talents he has. For all his talking, put yourself in his hands and you'll distinctly lose the ability to care about the speeches. He's at least got enough grace not to comment on any noises you may make as his fingers work through your scalp.

"So why aren't you hanging out with Karkat now?"

And nope. Shit, he's got a horn, not escaping. Fingers run along the minute ridges of your horns, and you hiss a bit at the foul play.

"Kankri, do we have to do this now? I'm not avoiding him, we just haven't hung out as much lately." And it's true, and it has nothing to do with you turning down another invite to his hive.

"Well, I would presume that, except he made a move to ask me. So why-"

"What!? He athk you!?" And oh fuck. You are so embarrassed, so embarrassed. You head starts pounding again from the momentary shriek.

Kankri glares a bit at you down his nose. The quickest way to annoy Kankri is to interrupt him, which you just did. This conversation just got twice as bad. "Yes, and I would appreciate it if you would not interrupt me, you know how disrespectful it is to me, and how it makes me feel."

He looks ready to charge off on a rant, so you quickly ask the only available question. "What did he say?" And here's where you're worried. Did he notice? You didn't even notice until you got back to the hive, so maybe he didn't?

"He wasn't very straightforward, just asked if you were okay, said he hadn't seen you out since bowling. He was awfully tense about it, Mituna..." And Kankri's looking at you, and why, oh why did he ever get with Meulin? He didn't start sounding half as smug until she started pailing him! He's smirking, and why, you don't know, except you know you're caught, that he knows you were avoiding Karkat, but more of your processes are taken up in being worried about what impression you gave Karkat, and shit!

"Okay, so I was avoiding him. But it was completely your fault! You made me feel all awkward around him! What was I supposed to do, once you got that stuck in my mind?"

"Would it really be stuck in your mind so much if you didn't like him like that? Come on, what will it hurt to say you do?"

"Oh, I don't know, just letting the person with a worse temper than you know that shipbait thinks he's hot, that sounds like an excellent idea. I vote you go first."

"So you think he's hot....."

"Agh! I never said anything! Look, why aren't you focusing your matchmaking abilities on Big Blue and Flightly McClaws? If ever there was a couple that needed help...." And shit, you walked right into that one.... Nice job, mentioning his executioner..... You brace yourself to apologize, but stop as you realize how resolute he looks.

"If I get them together, will you finally just be honest?"

Whelp, Kankri wins this match. "Look... I..... I will, but.... Will you be okay?...."

"I will be fine, don't worry." As you said, they do need some help, and Meulin is not wonderful at confronting issues she does not like. But! When I am done, you _will_ talk about this. Yes?"

You gulp. "....Yes....."

But he won't manage this, right? Getting Sweaty will probably be easy, but getting Meulin to stay put? Good luck. You just try to believe that he really won't be able to........


	5. What goes up, must come down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweaty boulder makes a nice door block.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long, guys. At the time I started writing this, I was still kind of at the beginning of my mental health recovery (And still kind of am), and it was like I wrote myself into a corner? Couldn't see how the characters would turn things out alright, because things turning out alright for me wasn't really a thing yet? But I have been rehearsing this chapter pretty much since I wrote the last one, and I was finally able to see hope for the characters. I hope the divide caused by the wait does not cause too much disconnect between this chapter and the next, and thank you so much for sticking around all these years!

Of all the traits remembered in the illicit memoirs and ‘sacred’ texts, this one is constantly forgotten, you think. They get honest, caring, an ability to talk a subjugglator into a coma (Okay, not a coma, but he did fall asleep), and the ever remembered, unfortunately detailed, horror of Kankri’s infinite ability to talk breaking into rage, but they never actually remember to write down his sheer bloody determinedness. Which is kind of hilarious, considering how long you’ve been watching him try and fail to catch Meulin and the Expatriate in the same place for more than a moment. Honestly, if you weren’t so afraid of the end result, you’d really just be sitting back and enjoying it. A blur of green… A stumbling, moist boulder… Kankri falling on his face and you both having an epic cuddling pale date…… It’d be great except that every time Kankri seems ready to give up, he looks at you and gets this peculiar look in his eyes, and goes right back to it! 

You don’t understand why he’s so set on this! You honestly just want to hide away until it stops being a thing, because anytime feelings get tossed in, it gets complicated… _You_ get complicated. And you just. Don’t want to deal. You want to have nice, uncomplicated friendships and not have to tangle with anything more complex than that. 

Which is, of course, why you find yourself heading down to the sports equipment storage block to look for some leap cords for Kankri, the fiend. (Why does he know woofbeast eyes!? Why!?) 

You don’t actually like the storage block, this weird area for mutual storage of things used in nonfatal sports. The hard flooring, resistant to staining, the dimness, the way the light only seems to come from one area… You’d honestly hate it, except the actual storage block for the smaller…weapons(?) is set of to the side as a separate block with a lovely bright light source that is not dim in any way, shape or form. 

You’re shuffling through plastic bins, puzzling over the weird organization system (What does hard spheres and wooden clubs have to do with each other?) when you start to hear the sounds of someone (Multiple someones, shit, that’s bad) running, and oh shit, fuck your life, did Kankri set this up, you’re blaming him anyway, Karkat rushes into the room like he’s fleeing for his life, and slams the door, locking it with a quick flick right as you see a familiar shade of green and blue. 

Into the awkward silence a pathetic mewing can be heard. 

“Whelp. We’re not gonna be able to leave, are we…” You want to bury your head, state the obvious, why don’t you!?

Karkat’s breathing heavily, and takes a few gulps of air before speaking. “Not unless you want a faceful of overgrown cat lover and sweaty moving mountain…” He regards the door with some distress, even as you wonder if there’s any vents in here that _you_ could use.

“Um.”

_Shit shit shit fuck damnit!_

“Did I…do something wrong? I mean I know I’m not the funnest person to be around, and it’s probably deserved, and shit, I shouldn’t be putting you on the spot right now, why the fuck does past me always make these decisions!?”

“What? You didn’t do anything wrong, I would have shut the door in their faces too!”

“No, I mean.” Karkat looks down at his feet, and you honestly kind of want to bite whatever is making him look so ashamed. “Did I do something to piss you off and make you not ever want to hang out with me?”

He isn’t looking at your face, and you honestly thought you were more subtle than that, busy busy, so much stuff to do, see? But he obviously did, and you want to hide, but you want him to stop making that face, and what comes out is “Oh my god! No! You didn’t do anything, you’re fine, Karkat!” as your arms flail in your distress and frustration.

Karkat seems to pick up your sudden, climb-the-walls energy, and flails, arms wide and expressive as he picks up volume. “Then why aren’t you ever fucking available to hang out anymore!? I know I have trouble with getting shit right, but at least fucking tell me what I’m doing that you don’t like!”

“You didn’t do anything!” Somehow you’ve both ended up a second from yelling, arms waving like you’re trying to take off, and you just…just… “I THTOPPED HANGING OUT BECAUSE I LIKED YOU!” 

Shit. 

You cover your mouth in shock, staring at Karkat even as he stares back, any anger or frustration completely replaced by shock. 

“I’m thorry.” slips through your fingers unbidden, and somehow Karkat’s eyes get wider, and you are so done here, it’s better to deal with Meulin and sweat mountain than your own mouth, if you just go to the left you can get around Karkat before he recovers from his shock, and you’ll never have to deal with the awkward fallout if you stay in your hive for the rest of your life. 

You’re reaching for the doorknob when Karkat says “Wait,” and you’ll wait, you’ll let him speak, it’s the least you owe him after ruining things with your stupid messy feelings, and then you’re going to eat frozen cream and hide under your recuperation platform until Kankri deems to fish you out. 

“Um. Shit. I’m...okay with that? You’re nice, for someone with the same genetics as Sollux, and you’re always there, and when you think no one sees you watching everyone, you smile so cutely and- Fuck. Um. Shit. Um. Same?” 

It takes a moment to parse that, so different from what you expected, and you almost don’t know how to process it, this weird flip of the results, the kind of results you get in magical never-happens land, but is he really?....

“Uh. Theriouthly?” You can’t even care about the lisp, you feel like you’ve been set to count-down, waiting to hear what he says, because it’s got to be a mistake…

“Yeah. Uh. And I miss you as a friend, you know?.... It’s fun…..hanging out with you, I mean. And then you were like this weird quiet nice Captor, who cackles over games and is weirdly always fucking there making sure everything goes right, and just kind of being there, and I just…. Yeah…. Could we...go back to that? And maybe more? If you’re okay with that?” 

You kind of want to explode, but you settle for looping your pinky with his. 

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be more little ficlets in this series, I really love these characters, and I want to keep on exploring their world, so if there was something you wanted to know that you didn't see resolved, it may come up in another story, or you can ask me at NuclearVampire on tumblr!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at NuclearVampire.tumblr.com


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